Untitled Page
by CorporateDrone5000
Summary: Ryou talks with his therapist about his ever-changing relationship with Bakura. Rated for some profanity and mentions of sexual acts.
1. I

He hurt me again today. No, not with the knife.

(he sighs)

I wish it was the knife. (he laughs, leaning back in his chair)

He raped me. I really hate it when he does that, but…

(he sighs again)

I think he does it to prove to himself I belong to him. As if I could ever leave.

(his phone rings) Sorry. (he picks it up) Hello?

(muffled shouting; he cringes) Please… not him… what did-

"If its him, hang up."

Stop… don't! (audible dial tone)

(he groans, his head in his hands) He killed another one. My boss.

"I'm sorry."

(he chuckles softly) I'm not. He was a sick fuck, harassing me all the time.

"Did that make you angry?"

No. Well…

(he shifts a little) _He _would always punish me when I came home. He did everyday, but on a day where I was visibly shaken he would make it worse.

"I see. Does he want to change for the better?"

Fuck no. If anything, he wants to get worse. Just this morning, I woke up-

(he coughs) Sorry. I woke up covered in someone else's blood, and I know it wasn't mine because it smelled different, and it wasn't _his_ because I don't think he's ever been cut.

"What if he did?" (he looks around)

I don't know. (he coughs again, louder)

And another thing: he keeps telling me that he loves me. What the fuck?

"Maybe he's being genuine."

(he looks as if he wants to say something but doesn't)

"There are certain situations in which-"

I don't want any of your fucking mental… shit.

(he closes his eyes)

"All apologies."

He says it almost every day now, especially after he beats me. I've never screamed once, never shed a tear. He says I'm a cold, emotionless bitch, then he tells me he loves me.

(he glances at a painting, then to the floor)

I wish I could tell what he was really thinking.

"If you had that power-"

Would I use it wisely?

"Sure."

No. In fact, I would go through everyone's head in the world just to mess with them. Then I might start a war or two. Just to liven things up.

(his phone rings again)

"Don't pick it up."

Hello? No worries, I'm in his office.

"Hang up the phone."

I'll see you in a little. Bye.

(he throws the phone at a wall)

He wants me to come home. I've gotta go. (he stands up)

"Ryou-"

(the door slams)

**Review?**


	2. II

He only raped me once this week. I passed out right in the middle.

(he smiles)

"That's good."

Yeah, he was really angry. I barely had time to feel him inside me before the pain was too much.

(he stands up, then sits back down)

I'm hearing things now. (he laughs) I thought I heard him yelling at me.

"Subconscious message?"

(he shakes his head, then nods vigorously) Probably. He keeps telling me he loves me still, without even beating me.

"Do you want that? Do you want it the way it was?"

I don't know. Its all new… I was used to the abuse from my father, the rape from my father, the animosity from my father. But love… has been unreach-

(he stops suddenly)

Unreachable for all eighteen years of my life.

"Give him a chance?"

N- yes. I don't know. Really, I wish he would stop so I can pull myself together.

"You feel…"

Broken. Shattered.

(he stands up again, walking over to the window)

"Please don't answer your phone in here."

Sorry. He hurts me more when he thinks I'm ignoring him. I've been doing drugs, by the way. Heroin really takes the edge off my life.

(he bites his lip, drawing blood)

I barely feel it when he hits me.

(the blood travels down his chin and he catches it in his hand)

He took most of my stash. He said it wasn't good for me. Like he really cares.

"Maybe he does."

Maybe he does. But I doubt it. He knows when I'm high 'cause of his friends. He took my needles and said he loved me too much to see me go through addictions. I don't believe him, but hey.

(he wipes the blood off with a tissue)

"Love is complicated."

Like you would know.


	3. III

He stopped hitting me. Altogether, very suddenly. Its been over a month.

"Are you afraid he's going to start again?"

Not really. He tells me he loves me at least once a day now, and when I say I hate him he laughs.

(he chews his fingernail absently)

Also he took all my drugs. Every last bottle is gone. My room is empty, nothing at all in it.

"He makes you live in an empty room?"

He makes me live in his room. With him. He watches me like a hawk.

"A hawk?"

(he laughs) Or a falcon. A bird of prey, if you will. Its safe to say you're never alive a big part of you has died, and by the way, I hope you're satisfied.

"Lyrics?"

Yeah. How'd you know?

"I like Godsmack."

(he nods slowly, shifting closer)

I love them. I think they sing about my life sometimes. Or Nine Inch Nails.

"Hurt?"

(he beams)

I did hurt myself today, but I couldn't feel a thing. My needles tore a shitload of holes, but they weren't real.

(his smile widens) He says I sing really well. He makes me sing things for him, things that I make up.

"About…?"

Everything. I sing long songs about how much he kills me inside and he always claps a lot at the end. He says he loves me after that, too. I usually only sing on Saturdays, because my father was off work and instead of saying 'scream for me' he would say 'sing for me'. He molested me quite a lot when I was younger.

"Are you glad he's dead?"

No. I miss the feel of him sometimes, the way he rammed in and out of me without mercy. He would make me bleed and leave me in my room to clean myself up, then I would get up and do some of my homework, but I knew it was useless because I failed out of high school a few years ago. I told you that, right?

"Yes."

Good. Wouldn't want to think I forgot anything. He wants me to forget my father, but I can't. He gave me life, but he's taken so much more. Sometimes I still masturbate to the thought of him touching me, just like he taught me.

"It brings you pleasure, to think of him that way."

Yeah. _He _gives me more, though. He still rapes me. I told you that, right?

"No."

Oh. Well, he does. He calls it 'making love', but it still hurts a lot. He still doesn't kiss me, and I don't make any sounds of pleasure like I did for my father.

"Does he think you're enjoying it?"

No. He thinks I'm in pain, and I am, but I don't tell him. He tells me he loves me the whole time, but he doesn't kiss me.

(he laughs)

I don't think I would want him to kiss me.

(he stands up)

Can I feel love, though? Is it possible for…

"I don't know."

I wish I did. (he trembles, his hands traveling down his sides to his hips) Does he… does he really…?

"…"

...


	4. IV

I've decided something. (he sits)

"What have you decided?"

I've decided he's not so much of an asshole anymore. He stopped raping me.

"Really?"

(he stands) Yeah. He kisses me sometimes, on the cheek and on the forehead. I turn away when he tries to kiss my mouth.

"Why is that?"

I don't think I trust him that much yet. And he still curses at me, but not as much. He always says he's sorry. I want to believe him…

"…"

(he paces)

"Do you love him now?"

No… I don't love him. But I don't hate him either. He still likes it when I sing, and I think he realizes my songs have changed. When I get done with cooking, and we're about to go to bed- did I tell you we sleep in the same bed?

"Yes, you did."

I don't hate that. Anyway, when we're about to go to bed on Saturdays he puts his hand on the small of my back and leads me to the living room and sits on the couch in front of me. Then I sing.

"What did you sing about yesterday?"

(he looks at the floor)

I sang about how much I missed my father. He didn't look angry at all, he just applauded like he normally does and we went to bed.

"Do you talk to him now?"

No. I sing for him, and I answer his questions, and he is always asking questions. Last night, he gave me a blowjob and I didn't have to give him anything back. He held me until I went to sleep. I think he left after, though, 'cause when I woke up there was blood all over me. Not my blood.

"Not his either."

No.

"Do you have a new job?"

No.

(he smiles softly) He wants me to finish my education. I'm studying for my GED, then I'm going to college. Not a good one, but a college.

"He has the money?"

I think so. If he doesn't, I guess I'll have to take out a loan. He won't _not_ let me go.

"It sounds like you believe him when he says he loves you now."

I guess.


	5. V

He's an ass.

"Why?"

I fucking…

(he sighs)

I caught him fucking one of his friends. In his bed.

"Not 'our'?"

Nope. His. Sure, it was a guy, but… I thought…

"It was going so-"

Shut up.

"…"

(he leans back in the chair)

He stopped when he saw me in the doorway. I passed my test, did I tell you that?

"No."

I passed. I walked in on them and he stopped and looked at me, and tried to explain it wasn't what it looked like but it was _exactly_ what it looked like. And its his house, so I couldn't even kick him out.

"What did you do?"

I locked myself in my room. I heard the front door slam after a while and he started knocking on my door but I didn't open it.

"Did you sleep in there?"

Yeah. It was really cold, and… I think… I was _missing_ him, but I didn't open the door until this morning. He was still sitting out there, waiting for me. I don't think he slept at all, but he just watched me leave.

(he shudders a little) I don't know what to do anymore. He was so kind, and now that I've had a taste of that…

(his phone rings) That stupid bastard.

"Would you like some advice?"

Why not? (his phone rings again)

"I think that you should hear him out."

…

"… Is that him calling?"

Yes.

"Answer. It wouldn't hurt."

What is it, you lying piece of shit?

(muffled voice)

I saw you two, I saw you and what you were doing was not a 'mistake'!

(muffled voice, quieter)

So you don't have an excuse?

(silence)

I see.

(muffled voice)

You don't love me. You couldn't possibly love me, after what you've done. Hell, I don't _want_ you to love me. And guess what, asshole? I hate you! (he snaps the phone shut)

"Are you alright?"

Yeah, actually. I feel a lot better.

"That's good."


	6. VI

Sorry I'm late. He didn't want me to go.

"No problem."

We… we 'made love' last night, and this morning. He keeps trying to kiss me, but I don't let him. It didn't hurt as much.

"Mm-hm."

He says I've got a virgin entrance, and its always so hot and tight no matter how much he takes me.

"Does that make you feel good about yourself?"

Yes. A lot. My dad used to say that.

(he sits down)

_He _locked the door to my room from the outside and broke the key. I know he knows how to pick locks, though. He doesn't want me to run from him again, and he's apologized a million times for fucking that other guy. I can't forgive him.

"Just yet?"

I guess. Its still not love, but its back to not hate. He tells me he loves me before class… did I tell you I got into college?

"No, you didn't."

It's a really good one too. Well, to me, at least. It's a public university that has a really high graduate rate and he couldn't be prouder of me.

"Oh."

He doesn't make me sing anymore, but I do 'cause I want to. Its still on Saturdays, but its anytime and he really enjoys it. One time last week, I sang for five minutes and he sat in silence the whole time, watching me. At the end he must have told me he loved me a thousand times while he held me. We… 'made love' that night.

"And you liked it?"

(he closes his eyes) Yeah.

"Do you have many classes to take?"

(he reopens his eyes)

No. I have one at noon on Monday, one at eleven and one at two on Tuesday, one at eight on Wednesday… one at ten and one at two on Thursday, and Fridays off. I'm majoring in physics.

"That's a lot of math."

Yeah, but I can handle it. He helps me with the harder stuff. I like that about him.

"He's gone to college?"

And graduate school. He's a physicist. Did I not tell you that?

"No."

Oh. Well, he is, and he has his own lab and works his own hours.

"And you want to follow in his footsteps?"

(he laughs) I want to walk beside him.


End file.
